About Me
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Acerca de mi? LEE MI DIARIO!!
We each have our own path to tread. That seems such a simple and obvious thought, but in a world of relationships where so many people sublimate their own true feelings and desires in consideration of others, we take many steps off that true path. In the end, though, if we are to be truly happy, we must follow our hearts and find our way ALONE.
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Interests
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D&D, medi stuff, movies, music, vampires, zombies, BOOKS, videogames, sports, box, vampires, rice, TV, MOVIES, fronton, girls...nah..not in the mood right now...., xbox, did i mentioned movies?
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Favorite Music
too many.... guess my favorite styles are Country and Alternative.... along with good ol´ 80s-90s rock.
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Favorite Movies
stupid screen wont accept more than 10,000 letters....
well... Constantine, Gladiator, Forest Gump, Brave Heart, Pulp Fiction, Interview with the Vampire, Underworld, Jerry Mcguire, Mouline Rouge, LoTR, etc etc
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Favorite TV Shows
same shit.... blah
well atm.... DR.HOUSE!! (he rocks!!) Heroes, MALCOLM!!!!!!!!!!! used to love The Simpsons but.... they´re not funny anymore :(
etc etc
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Favorite Books
R.A. Salvatore Forgotten Realms : Legend of Drizzt 1. Homeland (1990) 2. Exile (1990) 3. Sojourn (1991) 4. The Crystal Shard (1988) 5. Streams of Silver (1989) 6. The Halfling's Gem (1990) 7. The Legacy (1992) 8. Starless Night (1993) 9. Siege of Darkness (1994) 10. Passage to Dawn (1996) 11. The Silent Blade (1998) 12. The Spine of the World (1999) (with Philip Athans) 13. Servant of the Shard (2000) 14. Sea of Swords (2001) and many, many, many more....
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Favorite Quote
"It´s not all demons and magic in this world. Sometimes a simpler answer suffices."
¨The greatest thing you´ll ever learn... is to love and be loved in return¨
¨This is my BOOMstick you primitive screwheads!!!¨
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Journal
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When the road is not filled with adventure, when there are no monsters to battle and no mountains to climb, boredom finds me.... I have come to accept this truth of my life, this truth about who I am, and so, on those rare, empty occasions I can find a way to defeat the boredom.... I can find a mountain peak higher than the last I climbed...But I fear that my state has transcended simple boredom, spilling into the realm of apathy. I was a creature of action, but that doesn't seem to be the cure for this lethargy or this apathy.....I will not heed that call.... The call from my friends neither my family...It is neither humility nor weariness stopping me, I recognize, nor any fears that I cannot handle the position or live up to the expectations of those around me..... Any of those problems could be overcomed, could be reasoned through or supported by my friends..... But, no, it is none of those rectifiable things.....
It is simply that I do not care.
I fear this above all else, for it is a loss that knows no precise cure. And yet, to be honest, I see it clearly etched in my features, a state of self-absorption where too many memories of my own recent horrors cloud my vision.... Perhaps I don´t even recognize someone else's pain. Or perhaps, if I see it, I dismiss it as trivial....Loss of empathy might well be the most enduring and deep-cutting scar of all, the silent blade of an unseen enemy, tearing at our hearts and stealing more than our strength..... Stealing our will, for what are we without empathy? What manner of joy might we find in our lives if we cannot understand the joys and pains of those around us, if we cannot share in a greater community?
I am not certain that I even have that capacity left in me, for imagination requires introspection, a reaching within one's thoughts.....I am surrounded by friends, who love me and will try with all their hearts to support me and help me climb out of my emotional dungeon. Perhaps the woman I once loved (and perhaps still love) so deeply, will prove pivotal to my recovery..... It pains me to think bout her, I admit. She treated me with such tenderness and compassion, but I know that I didn´t feel her gentle touch. Better that she slapped my face, eye me sternly, and show me the truth of my lethargy.... I know this and yet I couldn´t tell her to do so, for our relationship was much more complicated than that. I have nothing but her best interests in my mind and my heart now.....Even though I do not know her honest feelings towards me, who once was to be her husband –for she has become quite guarded with her feelings of late - I do recognize that i am not capable of love at this time.
Not capable of love ... are there any sadder words to describe a man?
I think not, and wish that I could now assess my state of mind differently. But love, honest love, requires empathy.... It is a sharing-of joy, of pain, of laughter, of tears...... Honest love makes one's soul a reflection of the partner's moods..... And as a room seems larger when it is lined with mirrors, so do the joys become amplified.... And as the individual items within the mirrored room seem less acute, so does pain diminish and fade, stretched thin by the sharing...... That is the beauty of love, whether in passion or friendship..... A sharing that multiplies the joys and thins the pains..... I am is surrounded now by friends, all willing to engage in such sharing, as it once was between us. Yet I cannot so engage them, cannot let loose those guards that I necessarily put in place ..... I´ve lost my empathy..... I can only pray that I will find it again, that time will allow me to open my heart and soul to those deserving, for without empathy I will find no purpose.... Without purpose, I will find no satisfaction....Without satisfaction, I will find no contentment, and without contentment, I will find no joy....
And that.... as sad as it sounds.... it´s my legacy.....
bye
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